Once upon a time . . . .
I had nine chickens.
Then, the neighbor's dogs discovered my chickens.
And now I have none.
And they are minus one dog.
THE END.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Monday, December 20, 2010
Our 2010 Christmas Card
The Twelve Questions of Christmas
Answer all questions correctly to win the opportunity of a sleepover with the child of your choice!
1. The Smiths, in 2010, have
a. Traveled extensively overseas, including Portugal, Spain, Greece, and Italy.
b. Nearly made it as far as Birmingham.
c. Driven around the block.
2. The elder children have
a. Sometimes been encouraged to get off the couch.
b. Had a very good year at school.
c. Resisted all attempts to turn them into decent human beings.
3. The youngest children, Matthew and Lauren, have
a. Discovered exactly how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.
b. Started composing their third opera.
c. Eaten their weight in marshmallows.
4. Our dear daughter, Lauren, also known as ‘Princess Ruby’, has
a. Discovered how to mess up an entire room in 3 seconds or less.
b. Invented new and interesting ways of disposing of leftover chocolate.
c. Investigated interior decorating with permanent markers as a possible career.
5. The eldest child, Todd, has once again
a. Excelled at school, been voted Young American of the Year, and turned down yet another nomination for a Nobel Prize.
b. Maintained, to everyone’s surprise, an upright and warm stance.
c. Impressed everyone with his mad drum skills in his school’s marching band.
6. Zackery has spent the year
a. Treading the boards as a noted thespian.
b. Treading water.
c. Treading lightly in fear of his parents’ wrath.
7. Ian, the Father of the family, has
a. Shown himself to be the same boring, uninteresting, and unremittingly dull person he has always been.
b. Shown a devotion to all sports, in particular baseball, football, soccer, lacrosse, and deep-sea fishing.
c. Worked two jobs all year so his lovely wife could be the domestic goddess.
8. Miranda, otherwise known as “the domestic goddess”, has
a. Gotten heavily into tattoos and body piercing.
b. Finally started working on her college degree while managing a house and five other people.
c. Lounged about in satin pajamas eating grapes and drinking the occasional stiff gin.
9. In our spare time, we
a. Clean the bathroom.
b. Discuss post-Hegelian philosophy in German.
c. Kick each others butts in Band Hero.
10. Our house has
a. Been featured extensively in “Southern Living” magazine.
b. Not yet fallen down.
c. New and alarming cracks in the walls.
11. Our dog, Spike, has
a. Left plentiful blessings all over the front yard.
b. Joined the Salvation Army, thereby renouncing his title, and annoying the neighbors with his all-night timbrel playing.
c. Just farted.
12. Our hopes and wishes for the future include
a. An uninterrupted night’s sleep.
b. World peace or a reasonable facsimile thereof.
c. Your continued friendship.
We hope you enjoy this holiday season with your family and friends. Merry Christmas and best wishes for the New Year!!!
Love,
~The Smith Family~
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
What have you been up to?
Yes, I realize I'm a terrible blogger. I haven't posted anything in almost 2 months. I've thought about posting, taken pictures with the intent of updating the blog, but I never quite got around to it.
Other days I ask myself why I bother with it? Does anybody read this thing? Does anyone care what goes on in my neck of the woods?
Then I kindly remind myself that it doesn't matter if anyone reads it or not. I read it. I do this more for me than anyone else. This is my way of keeping a journal/scrapbook since I'm terrible at both.
So . . . here's the rundown of the last few weeks.
October found us finishing up football season, which means Todd is done with the marching band for this year . . . well, almost. The band marched in a couple of parades, but I'll get to that in a few.
We did a little trick-or-treating, and . . . . and . . . . and that's about it for the month of October.
Oh, and Matt's class went on a field trip to the corn maze and pumpkin patch in Loxley.
Hmmmm . . . . November . . . . November came and went so fast. I think I missed it, except that I distinctly remember having ham and dressing in there somewhere. And pie. There might have been a piece of pie also.
I finished up my first college class and started another one. I'm hanging in there even though I may be 50 by the time I complete my degree.
My sister and I worked for our aunt for a couple of weeks to help get her house company ready in time for the holidays. Actually, we morphed into pack mules for about 2 weeks. My back was never so happy to see that job come to an end, and I realized I CAN'T juggle a job, school, and a family. (And I don't want to, either!) I really have to hand it to the moms who do manage all that, and more.
We're now in December, full-swing, and Christmas is only 12 days away. YIKES!!!
Remember the parades I mentioned? Todd was in Christmas parades two nights in a row.
We've never been to a night parade before, so it was really fun to see the floats and cars lit up with Christmas lights. We have enough candy to last us all year. Not that it will last us a year because I'll get tired of candy-crazed children and I'll end up trashing it before Valentine's Day.
I sold a few bows in a local craft festival and made a WHOPPING $17. Better luck next time, I guess. In the meantime, Lauren has enjoyed having her choice of bows to wear even though she doesn't leave them in her hair for very long.
Did I mention we had snow? Just a little tiny bit, but it snowed.
In December.
In Alabama.
This week is the last week of school before Christmas break, which I usually dread, but I'm actually looking forward to having more relaxed mornings. I can't say I'm looking forward to sleeping in because my kids don't know how to sleep in. It's a foreign concept around my house. If someone sleeps later than 7:00 I check them for fever because they must be sick.
Up next is the band Christmas concert, then Todd's class party, Matt's class party, Matt's field trip, and Zack's class party . . . in that order. Wheeeeeeeeeee . . . . . . are we having fun yet?
So, what have you been up to?
Other days I ask myself why I bother with it? Does anybody read this thing? Does anyone care what goes on in my neck of the woods?
Then I kindly remind myself that it doesn't matter if anyone reads it or not. I read it. I do this more for me than anyone else. This is my way of keeping a journal/scrapbook since I'm terrible at both.
So . . . here's the rundown of the last few weeks.
October found us finishing up football season, which means Todd is done with the marching band for this year . . . well, almost. The band marched in a couple of parades, but I'll get to that in a few.
We did a little trick-or-treating, and . . . . and . . . . and that's about it for the month of October.
Oh, and Matt's class went on a field trip to the corn maze and pumpkin patch in Loxley.
Hmmmm . . . . November . . . . November came and went so fast. I think I missed it, except that I distinctly remember having ham and dressing in there somewhere. And pie. There might have been a piece of pie also.
I finished up my first college class and started another one. I'm hanging in there even though I may be 50 by the time I complete my degree.
My sister and I worked for our aunt for a couple of weeks to help get her house company ready in time for the holidays. Actually, we morphed into pack mules for about 2 weeks. My back was never so happy to see that job come to an end, and I realized I CAN'T juggle a job, school, and a family. (And I don't want to, either!) I really have to hand it to the moms who do manage all that, and more.
We're now in December, full-swing, and Christmas is only 12 days away. YIKES!!!
Remember the parades I mentioned? Todd was in Christmas parades two nights in a row.
We've never been to a night parade before, so it was really fun to see the floats and cars lit up with Christmas lights. We have enough candy to last us all year. Not that it will last us a year because I'll get tired of candy-crazed children and I'll end up trashing it before Valentine's Day.
I sold a few bows in a local craft festival and made a WHOPPING $17. Better luck next time, I guess. In the meantime, Lauren has enjoyed having her choice of bows to wear even though she doesn't leave them in her hair for very long.
Did I mention we had snow? Just a little tiny bit, but it snowed.
In December.
In Alabama.
This week is the last week of school before Christmas break, which I usually dread, but I'm actually looking forward to having more relaxed mornings. I can't say I'm looking forward to sleeping in because my kids don't know how to sleep in. It's a foreign concept around my house. If someone sleeps later than 7:00 I check them for fever because they must be sick.
Up next is the band Christmas concert, then Todd's class party, Matt's class party, Matt's field trip, and Zack's class party . . . in that order. Wheeeeeeeeeee . . . . . . are we having fun yet?
So, what have you been up to?
Friday, October 15, 2010
Grown Up At Last
Every Friday Zack brings home a paper with four to five questions. He has to write out the answers in complete sentences. I think the purpose of the exercise is to teach the kids to begin each sentence with a capital letter and end with a period.
Ok, scratch that. I just read at the bottom of the worksheet in teeny tiny letters 'Learning to Write Paragraphs'.
So I wasn't completely wrong.
I love reading his answers because it helps me to know my child a little better.
This one is titled "Grown Up At Last". I've typed his answers exactly the way he wrote them.
Q: What do you want to be when you grow up?
A: I want to be a polic oficer when I grow up.
Q: Where do you want to work?
A: I will work at the shereiffs apartment.
Q: Where do you want to live?
A: I want to live in Atlanta.
Q: What is a bad thing about being grown up?
A: A bad thing about being grown up is geting people to hush.
Q: What the best thing about being grown up?
A: The best thing about being grown up is living in Atlanta.
Just last week he told me he wanted to play college football and be a football and baseball coach. You don't think his dad working for the 'shereiffs apartment' has anything to do with his current ambition?
As for 'geting people to hush' . . . . yeah, I guess that's a pretty tough part about being a grown-up. Especially when it's little people you're trying to get to hush. They usually don't listen very well. Not at my house anyway.
Ok, scratch that. I just read at the bottom of the worksheet in teeny tiny letters 'Learning to Write Paragraphs'.
So I wasn't completely wrong.
I love reading his answers because it helps me to know my child a little better.
This one is titled "Grown Up At Last". I've typed his answers exactly the way he wrote them.
Q: What do you want to be when you grow up?
A: I want to be a polic oficer when I grow up.
Q: Where do you want to work?
A: I will work at the shereiffs apartment.
Q: Where do you want to live?
A: I want to live in Atlanta.
Q: What is a bad thing about being grown up?
A: A bad thing about being grown up is geting people to hush.
Q: What the best thing about being grown up?
A: The best thing about being grown up is living in Atlanta.
Just last week he told me he wanted to play college football and be a football and baseball coach. You don't think his dad working for the 'shereiffs apartment' has anything to do with his current ambition?
As for 'geting people to hush' . . . . yeah, I guess that's a pretty tough part about being a grown-up. Especially when it's little people you're trying to get to hush. They usually don't listen very well. Not at my house anyway.
They say laughter is good for the soul . . .
If that's the case then my soul ought to be in pretty good shape today.
Too bad I can't say the same for my body. Oh, well . . . .
Anywho.
If your soul needs a workout, keep reading.
This morning Lauren insisted she was riding her tricycle to maw maw's house to have a sleepover.
Here's the rest of that conversation.
Matt: "Mom, do you have a bicycle?"
Me: "No, honey."
Matt: "Yes, you do. You have a purple one."
Me: "No, that's daddy's bike. It has been a very long time since mommy's had a bike."
Lauren: "You a crazy driver?"
(Hmmm . . . that might explain it.)
Just before that conversation happened, Lauren came out of her room dressed in her nightgown, socks, and one shoe on. Remember, she was planning to ride her tricycle to maw maw's house?
Ian: "Hey, Princess Abubu, I love your outfit."
Me: "But she's so stinkin' cute!"
Lauren: "Yeah, I am stinky."
(I was sure she was gonna say, "yeah, I am cute.")
Lauren wanted to hold Spike's leash on the way home from the vet.
He wasn't staying where she wanted him to, so she gave it to him straight . . . . "Get back here, you dumb@ss."
This isn't the first time she's said this, and I've had a (several) little talk with her about not saying that word.
Apparently I haven't gotten through. (Thanks, dad!)
Later on today . . . .
Lauren was using the potty. She always calls me or dad to help her get toilet paper. She wanted to clean herself, so I left her to take care of business on her own.
It wasn't long when she called me back to help her. It figures.
As I'm getting the tissue ready for wiping her bum, she looked down into the potty and said, "Mom, look. It's a poop clue."
Me: "It is? Ok, honey."
Lauren: "Are you gonna hide it?"
Too bad I can't say the same for my body. Oh, well . . . .
Anywho.
If your soul needs a workout, keep reading.
This morning Lauren insisted she was riding her tricycle to maw maw's house to have a sleepover.
Here's the rest of that conversation.
Matt: "Mom, do you have a bicycle?"
Me: "No, honey."
Matt: "Yes, you do. You have a purple one."
Me: "No, that's daddy's bike. It has been a very long time since mommy's had a bike."
Lauren: "You a crazy driver?"
(Hmmm . . . that might explain it.)
Just before that conversation happened, Lauren came out of her room dressed in her nightgown, socks, and one shoe on. Remember, she was planning to ride her tricycle to maw maw's house?
Ian: "Hey, Princess Abubu, I love your outfit."
Me: "But she's so stinkin' cute!"
Lauren: "Yeah, I am stinky."
(I was sure she was gonna say, "yeah, I am cute.")
Lauren wanted to hold Spike's leash on the way home from the vet.
He wasn't staying where she wanted him to, so she gave it to him straight . . . . "Get back here, you dumb@ss."
This isn't the first time she's said this, and I've had a (several) little talk with her about not saying that word.
Apparently I haven't gotten through. (Thanks, dad!)
Later on today . . . .
Lauren was using the potty. She always calls me or dad to help her get toilet paper. She wanted to clean herself, so I left her to take care of business on her own.
It wasn't long when she called me back to help her. It figures.
As I'm getting the tissue ready for wiping her bum, she looked down into the potty and said, "Mom, look. It's a poop clue."
Me: "It is? Ok, honey."
Lauren: "Are you gonna hide it?"
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
I spelled it wrong
Matt was playing with a light-up spinning top he earned as a prize for one of the school's fundraisers.
Most folks know these 'prizes' usually aren't very well made.
It was already partially broken before he stepped off the bus.
It was broken into two pieces with wires and batteries falling out before we made it home from maw maw's house.
And so Matt, determined not to have to throw his newpiece of crap favorite toy in the trash, set out to 'fix' it.
He had it working pretty well by supper time.
The next thing I heard coming from my sweet little, blond-haired, blue-eyed baby boy was, "What the hell . . . . "
I'm guessing something wasn't going quite right with his toy.
This is the conversation that followed.
Me: "Whooooaaaa! What did you say?"
Matt: "Nothing."
Me: "Did you say, 'what the hell'?"
Matt: "Yes."
Me: "Did you say hell or hail?" (We do live in the south, and he is my most country-fied sounding child. I had to make sure.)
Matt: "Hell."
Me: "Don't say that, honey. That's not a good thing to say."
Matt: "Then I said hail."
Me: "That's not what I heard."
Matt: "I meant to say hail, but I spelled it wrong."
Most folks know these 'prizes' usually aren't very well made.
It was already partially broken before he stepped off the bus.
It was broken into two pieces with wires and batteries falling out before we made it home from maw maw's house.
And so Matt, determined not to have to throw his new
He had it working pretty well by supper time.
The next thing I heard coming from my sweet little, blond-haired, blue-eyed baby boy was, "What the hell . . . . "
I'm guessing something wasn't going quite right with his toy.
This is the conversation that followed.
Me: "Whooooaaaa! What did you say?"
Matt: "Nothing."
Me: "Did you say, 'what the hell'?"
Matt: "Yes."
Me: "Did you say hell or hail?" (We do live in the south, and he is my most country-fied sounding child. I had to make sure.)
Matt: "Hell."
Me: "Don't say that, honey. That's not a good thing to say."
Matt: "Then I said hail."
Me: "That's not what I heard."
Matt: "I meant to say hail, but I spelled it wrong."
Saturday, October 9, 2010
The stuff sitcoms are made of
This was the conversation going on in the backseat of our van as we were on our way to Mobile yesterday evening.
Zack: "MATT, BE QUIET!"
Matt: "NO!"
Zack: "BE QUIET!!!"
Matt: "NO!"
Zack: "BE QUIET!!!"
Matt: "NO!!!"
Zack: "YES! BE QUIET! I'M OLDER THAN YOU SO YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO ME!"
Matt: "I CAN STILL PUNCH YOU!!!!"
You can't make this stuff up.
On the subject of going to Mobile . . . we made the mistake of going to watch Blacksher (our team) get their butts stomped on, wiped off, and stomped on again by Mobile Christian (the enemy). It was their homecoming.
WHAT WERE WE THINKING??!!
We had to park across the street at a church because they were charging a parking fee. A PARKING FEE??!! For a high school football game? Geez, Louise!
So we parked across the street and walked at least a mile to get to the game.
Don't get me wrong. I seriously need the exercise. But you try crossing four lanes of traffic with three kids, 2 blankets, 3 jackets, 1 purse filled with 2 kids' supper because they didn't finish eating and were still hungry, and 2 bleacher cushions.
You'd think they'd have some street lights so drivers can see you. No. And we were all wearing purple, except Ian. He was wearing blue.
Just before we made it across, Matt's kids meal toy popped open and all of the little cards inside fell out onto the street.
Mom was not about to stop her big purple-wearing self in the middle of the street to pick up some cards.
Needless to say I had a very unhappy Matt on my hands for the rest of the hike to the main gate.
Zack was a sweetheart and gave Matt his cards.
We finally made it to the main gate, sweaty and out of breath. Please tell me why I bothered to fix my hair and put on make-up?
Anywho. Long story short. They charged us $24 to get into this game ($6 each), had port-a-potties with no toilet paper, and rickety wooden bleachers that weren't high enough to see over the cheerleaders to be able to watch the game. We ended up leaving right after half-time. What a waste of time and money. I don't think I'll be going to any more away games.
Funny moment: When we stopped for gas on the way home, I discovered I'd been sitting on french fries. I had a nice greasy butt stain when I took the kids in the store to use the restroom.
Zack: "MATT, BE QUIET!"
Matt: "NO!"
Zack: "BE QUIET!!!"
Matt: "NO!"
Zack: "BE QUIET!!!"
Matt: "NO!!!"
Zack: "YES! BE QUIET! I'M OLDER THAN YOU SO YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO ME!"
Matt: "I CAN STILL PUNCH YOU!!!!"
You can't make this stuff up.
On the subject of going to Mobile . . . we made the mistake of going to watch Blacksher (our team) get their butts stomped on, wiped off, and stomped on again by Mobile Christian (the enemy). It was their homecoming.
WHAT WERE WE THINKING??!!
We had to park across the street at a church because they were charging a parking fee. A PARKING FEE??!! For a high school football game? Geez, Louise!
So we parked across the street and walked at least a mile to get to the game.
Don't get me wrong. I seriously need the exercise. But you try crossing four lanes of traffic with three kids, 2 blankets, 3 jackets, 1 purse filled with 2 kids' supper because they didn't finish eating and were still hungry, and 2 bleacher cushions.
You'd think they'd have some street lights so drivers can see you. No. And we were all wearing purple, except Ian. He was wearing blue.
Just before we made it across, Matt's kids meal toy popped open and all of the little cards inside fell out onto the street.
Mom was not about to stop her big purple-wearing self in the middle of the street to pick up some cards.
Needless to say I had a very unhappy Matt on my hands for the rest of the hike to the main gate.
Zack was a sweetheart and gave Matt his cards.
We finally made it to the main gate, sweaty and out of breath. Please tell me why I bothered to fix my hair and put on make-up?
Anywho. Long story short. They charged us $24 to get into this game ($6 each), had port-a-potties with no toilet paper, and rickety wooden bleachers that weren't high enough to see over the cheerleaders to be able to watch the game. We ended up leaving right after half-time. What a waste of time and money. I don't think I'll be going to any more away games.
Funny moment: When we stopped for gas on the way home, I discovered I'd been sitting on french fries. I had a nice greasy butt stain when I took the kids in the store to use the restroom.
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