A Non-Announcement

I'm not announcing anything.

I'm not telling you we have a new dog.

And the reason I'm not telling you this is because every time we get a new dog, it dies . . . or it eats one of my chickens. And if it eats a chicken, it makes the long trip to the animal shelter.

Chicken-eating dogs can't live at my house.

Just for posterity's sake, here's a run-down of the dogs we've had over the last year and a half.

Brownie - She was very sweet chocolate lab mix. We got her as a puppy. She fought the van and the van won.

Jack - He was an older dog, a Shiba Inu. His owner had to move out of state so he came to live with us. Jack loved to go on adventures through the woods and across the field to visit his friend, Marly(a yellow lab). He survived a snake bite and a gunshot wound, but was very unhappy being tied up(we were keeping him from his adventures). He ended up killing one of my chickens (I really don't think he meant to) and I let him go about his merry traveling way. He never came back home.

Ace - We also got him as a puppy, another lab mix. He was so, so sweet. If I could chose a personality for a dog, I would want every dog to be like him(except for the getting into the trash part). He and Jack were good buddies. Ace was also bitten by a snake, but didn't survive.

Terra - We found her on the side of the road eating trash. I'm not sure what breed she was, just a cute puppy. She and Jack became friends, but she only lasted about a week. She died, but we don't know why.

Rollie - He was a cute black lab mix. A neighbor found him behind his house and thought the pup belonged to us. He wasn't ours, but since the neighbor didn't want him, we decided to give him a try. He liked my chickens. A lot. Remember what I said about chicken-eating dogs?

So there you have it. Now you understand why I'm not telling you we have a dog.

This is the dog we don't have.

His name is not Spike and he's not a Boston Terrier.

The kids don't like him, at all. Especially the girl. 

The dog, not named Spike, doesn't like us much either.None whatsoever.

He doesn't bring us his ball or stuffed animal incessantly, begging us to throw it for him.

He's not easily excited. 

He also doesn't sound like Speed Buggy when he gets excited. Or maybe it's Snot Rod?

He doesn't snore like a grown man, either. And he doesn't clear a room when he farts. 

Yeah, he fits in pretty well around here . . . which is not at all . . . because we don't have a new dog.