The stuff sitcoms are made of

This was the conversation going on in the backseat of our van as we were on our way to Mobile yesterday evening.

Zack: "MATT, BE QUIET!"

Matt: "NO!"

Zack: "BE QUIET!!!"

Matt: "NO!"

Zack: "BE QUIET!!!"

Matt: "NO!!!"

Zack: "YES! BE QUIET! I'M OLDER THAN YOU SO YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO ME!"

Matt: "I CAN STILL PUNCH YOU!!!!"



You can't make this stuff up.

On the subject of going to Mobile . . . we made the mistake of going to watch Blacksher (our team) get their butts stomped on, wiped off, and stomped on again by Mobile Christian (the enemy). It was their homecoming.  

WHAT WERE WE THINKING??!!

We had to park across the street at a church because they were charging a parking fee. A PARKING FEE??!! For a high school football game? Geez, Louise!

So we parked across the street and walked at least a mile to get to the game.

Don't get me wrong. I seriously need the exercise. But you try crossing four lanes of traffic with three kids, 2 blankets, 3 jackets, 1 purse filled with 2 kids' supper because they didn't finish eating and were still hungry, and 2 bleacher cushions.

You'd think they'd have some street lights so drivers can see you. No. And we were all wearing purple, except Ian. He was wearing blue.


Just before we made it across, Matt's kids meal toy popped open and all of the little cards inside fell out onto the street.

Mom was not about to stop her big purple-wearing self in the middle of the street to pick up some cards.

Needless to say I had a very unhappy Matt on my hands for the rest of the hike to the main gate.

Zack was a sweetheart and gave Matt his cards.

We finally made it to the main gate, sweaty and out of breath. Please tell me why I bothered to fix my hair and put on make-up?

Anywho. Long story short. They charged us $24 to get into this game ($6 each), had port-a-potties with no toilet paper, and rickety wooden bleachers that weren't high enough to see over the cheerleaders to be able to watch the game. We ended up leaving right after half-time. What a waste of time and money. I don't think I'll be going to any more away games.

Funny moment: When we stopped for gas on the way home, I discovered I'd been sitting on french fries. I had a nice greasy butt stain when I took the kids in the store to use the restroom.

Week in Review

Started class again. Since my brain is too old to juggle two classes at one time, and life ran me over more than once during last semester, I dropped both of my classes and started over. I'm now taking just one class at a time. I decided to retake English 101 . . . .  the class I absolutely hated. What was I thinking? I'm a glutton for punishment. At the rate I'm going I might finish my degree by the time my youngest child is a senior.

Cleaned, cleaned, cleaned because the HIPPY lady(Ms. Cindy) was coming. She came, she left, and I didn't clean anymore for the rest of the week.

Ok, I might've cleaned a little bit on this day. That was about it.

Errand day. Bank, Walmart, bills, bills, bills, lunch, bills, Walmart again.

Football! Drove 2 hours to watch Blacksher(our team) get their butts stomped by Millry(the enemy). Ok, lets be real. I don't watch football. I went to watch my eldest son perform with the marching band. If football games were determined by how well the band did, then we beat them hands down.

*Highlights - Millry had more concessions than a county fair. Funnel cakes, snow cones, homemade pixie sticks, homemade fried pork skins, strawberry lemonade . . . I'll stop there.

*Funniest moment - Ian getting pulled over on the way home for his 'serious' driving. He was a little tired and was swerving more than we realized. We only had a couple more miles before we reached the gas station (we're in the boonies here) so I could take over driving. The nice officer let us go ahead and switch and we were on our merry way without a ticket. Thank goodness!

Grocery shopped with the whole family. That's right, all 6 of us. I don't do this often because I'm always reminded never to take them all to the store again. It wasn't too bad. I divided up the list and sent 2 kids with Ian and 2 came with me. We even bought groceries for the whole week for less than $100! That never happens. Woot! Later, we took Ian to work and #2, #3, and I went back to Walmart for haircuts. (Walmart is my 2nd home.) Mine took a little longer than I would have liked. When I was finally done, Matt said, "Mom, you took so long that my hair grew back in!" As a reward for being so good, I took them to McDonald's for supper . . . without Ian. I told you I was a glutton for punishment. (Actually, they did REALLY well. I was a proud mom.)

Is yet to be determined. I should be watching General Conference. I'm such a terrible example in that area. I'm a terrible example in a lot of areas, apparently. I need a shower. I need to clean. I need to eat breakfast. Oh, well, at least the kids and the animals have been fed and watered.

P.S. It's a beautiful Fall day!!! There's a lovely autumn breeze and a crispness in the air. I love it! Makes me wish I had some hot apple cider brewing on my stove.

Would you care for a Spree?

No, thanks. I think I'll pass. 

But the girl ate them, sort of. She licked the coating off and then threw them away.

And later on, one of the brothers found one on the floor. 

I warned him, but he didn't care. 

He ate it.

Boys.

 

Out of the Mouths of Babes

I don't always remember to write down the funny things my kids say. I try, but my brain can only remember so much. It's pretty full as it is and, let's be honest, it's not as young as it once was.

So, before I forget, and before my brain fills up with other things I have to try to remember, here are a few funnies my two youngest kidlets said today.


Lauren --- Apparently she was watching TV before the brothers came home from school. She didn't appreciate the oldest brother turning it from her show. "Mommy, Todd turned it from my Dora moobie(movie). He watching Abbatar(Avatar)."

Matt --- He was helping Lauren with her 'schoolwork' this evening. In response to one of the activities she was supposed to do, he said, "Mom, I have a hypopesis!" (hypothesis) That's an awfully big word for a 5 y.o. I asked him where he heard about hypothesis. He said, "From Dinosaur Train!"

See? TV isn't all bad.

Another one from Lauren --- Zack was using the bathroom. I guess she needed to go and he was taking too long. She came tattling to me, "Mommy, Zack is pooping in my baffroom!"

Pardon me, but isn't that what the bathroom is for? And when did it become her bathroom?

Now, these may not be funny to some people. . . or most people . . . . or anyone other than the person who birthed these two little punks (ME!), but they gave me a good laugh today. And that's all that counts in my book.

A Non-Announcement

I'm not announcing anything.

I'm not telling you we have a new dog.

And the reason I'm not telling you this is because every time we get a new dog, it dies . . . or it eats one of my chickens. And if it eats a chicken, it makes the long trip to the animal shelter.

Chicken-eating dogs can't live at my house.

Just for posterity's sake, here's a run-down of the dogs we've had over the last year and a half.

Brownie - She was very sweet chocolate lab mix. We got her as a puppy. She fought the van and the van won.

Jack - He was an older dog, a Shiba Inu. His owner had to move out of state so he came to live with us. Jack loved to go on adventures through the woods and across the field to visit his friend, Marly(a yellow lab). He survived a snake bite and a gunshot wound, but was very unhappy being tied up(we were keeping him from his adventures). He ended up killing one of my chickens (I really don't think he meant to) and I let him go about his merry traveling way. He never came back home.

Ace - We also got him as a puppy, another lab mix. He was so, so sweet. If I could chose a personality for a dog, I would want every dog to be like him(except for the getting into the trash part). He and Jack were good buddies. Ace was also bitten by a snake, but didn't survive.

Terra - We found her on the side of the road eating trash. I'm not sure what breed she was, just a cute puppy. She and Jack became friends, but she only lasted about a week. She died, but we don't know why.

Rollie - He was a cute black lab mix. A neighbor found him behind his house and thought the pup belonged to us. He wasn't ours, but since the neighbor didn't want him, we decided to give him a try. He liked my chickens. A lot. Remember what I said about chicken-eating dogs?

So there you have it. Now you understand why I'm not telling you we have a dog.

This is the dog we don't have.

His name is not Spike and he's not a Boston Terrier.

The kids don't like him, at all. Especially the girl. 

The dog, not named Spike, doesn't like us much either.None whatsoever.

He doesn't bring us his ball or stuffed animal incessantly, begging us to throw it for him.

He's not easily excited. 

He also doesn't sound like Speed Buggy when he gets excited. Or maybe it's Snot Rod?

He doesn't snore like a grown man, either. And he doesn't clear a room when he farts. 

Yeah, he fits in pretty well around here . . . which is not at all . . . because we don't have a new dog.

I've Met My Match

I've had many a few not-so-proud mommy moments. In these moments, I'm usually stressed to the max and I do something really dumb . . . . . like throw toss a plastic Little Tykes chair.

You know those fat-legged yellow ones?

Yeah, these right here. Those would be the ones.

Of course the chair can't just bounce off a piece of furniture. It has to hit the wall.

For the record, and before anyone starts dialing DCS, I wasn't trying to hit the wall OR anything else, for that matter.

I was just ticked with the mess the girl made in the recently cleaned room. Don't you ever get tired of cleaning the same messes over and over and OVER AND OVER?!?!

Anywho, back to my story.

So, the mess was made and I became upset and tossed the chair, which left a chair leg-sized indention in the wall. The next day she made more messes in her room and managed to break a small mirror and a picture frame I had standing against the wall in the hallway.

Later that evening, I had to run up to my parents' house really quickly for something (I can't remember what). I was planning to go alone, but when the girl saw that I was about to leave, she started having a hissy fit to go with me.

I calmly said to her, "Tell me why I should let you go with me? You messed up your room again, pulled stuff out of your closet, broke my mirror and my picture frame. Why should I let you go when you've done all these things?"

Her reply, "You broke my wall."

She said this very innocently while making this gesture .  -------------->







All I could say was, "Fair enough."

FYI: I ask my other kids this same question when they want me to do something for them or if they want to go with me somewhere and it's been a rough day.

None of them have ever given me a good reason . . . . until now.

Crisis Avoided . . . .

  . . . . I think.

So, you know how you have one of those super crazy weeks? You know, the kind that you try to prepare for because you have everything written down on the calendar, but you can never quite be prepared for?

I had one of those weeks this past week.

Monday - a pretty easy day. House was still clean from the weekend and laundry wasn't a booger.

Tuesday - HIPPY lady came for Lauren's first visit. Just in case you don't know what HIPPY is, it's a free, home preschool program for ages 3-5. I also had my first violin lesson that afternoon and the 2nd grade homecoming float meeting (didn't go to that one).

Wednesday - (Here's where it gets really good!) Zack's dentist appointment that morning,which is about an hour and 15 min. drive one way. Then, back home to pick up my other two from the grandparents' house and start supper(it was a long appt.). Todd had his sleep study starting on this night so I picked up Ian from work(he left his patrol car parked at the jail), came home and ate supper, then left again to take Ian and Todd to the hospital. Just before we walked out the door we discovered our hot water heater had a leak. Ian turned off the water; thankfully the kids already had their baths. I called my mom to let her know I'd be coming to her house the next morning to shower. When I came back home, my sister and her hubby were here checking the hot water heater for me. Turned out to be an easy, inexpensive fix, but one that had to wait until the next day because we live in podunkville. Needless to say it was a late night. Oh, yeah, I was supposed to have a kindergarten float meeting that evening, but I didn't make it to that one either.

Thursday - Took off to my parents' house first thing to get a quick shower, put the boys on the bus, and headed up to the hospital to trade off with Ian and stay with Todd for his day-time sleep study. When they say to be prepared to stay till 5:00, they're serious. We were there ALL.STINKING.DAY. Finally got out of there and headed back home to the grandparents' house again to pick up the other 3 kiddos. Hot water heater was fixed! Woohoo! Thank you, Chris!

Friday - Back to normal, or so I thought. My poor brain was still trying to recover from the crazy week and I had a caffeine withdrawal headache coming on. It was not a good day. Some genius cut a fiber optic cable which took out all DSL and cell phones in our area. My parents signed up to tow the band instrument trailer for that night's away football game and, as luck would have it, they were stuck in Pensacola at my dad's doctor appointment and would be back in time to tow the trailer. Their cell phone worked, but they couldn't get through to my house phone. They were finally able to reach Ian on his Linc phone in enough time for me to call the band director, BUT Todd's band shoes were locked up in my dad's truck(at their house, thankfully) with no spare key to get in. My mom put them in there so they wouldn't forget to take them to him when they went to pick up the trailer. UUGGGHHHH!!!!! My brother-in-law was able to jimmy open the back window and get Todd's shoes out. Thank you again, Chris!

Saturday - Slept late and it felt SO good. I survived the week, but my house did not. I have a laundry mountain the size of Mt. Trashmore and I still have to clean up the towels from the leaky hot water heater. I guess tonight will be a late night of cleaning after the kids go to bed.

Oh, and school? You mean I was supposed to do school work in there somewhere? Yeah, right. I think school just flew out the window. And I don't think she's coming back either.